I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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