Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
