Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
