There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
