Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We are all done wearing pants today
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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