White coat. Heels.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
