I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize