Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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