I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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