My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize