I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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