So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
