Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
