I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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