Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
