so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
