Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
