I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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