STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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