I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
