There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
