Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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