he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
