I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
