I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
