You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Green mimosas i think yes
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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