i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
