It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
