Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
