Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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