Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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