ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
