I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
