I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
