You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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