She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
