eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
