If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
