You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
