i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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