haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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