Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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