pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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