I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
