they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize