You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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