A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
