i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
