Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
