listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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