im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
