Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
