New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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