i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
