I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
