You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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