Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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