the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
