Do you still have your period?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize