Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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