I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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