I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
