i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
