so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
