Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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